After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
