im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The air was thick with penises
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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