but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
