Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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