i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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