News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
