Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
