rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
