he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
