if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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