I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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