My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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