so explain again why im purple
no
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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