Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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