this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am midnight drunk by noon
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
