How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
