I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
