He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
