All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
