he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
