I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
