you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
