He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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