She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
