You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
