Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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