We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
