Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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