So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
