So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
