Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
