did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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