im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize