theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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