I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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