I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
