so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
