Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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