Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
