Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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