I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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