Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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