literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Randomize
