Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
