I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
