Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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