My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
