I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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