Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
