I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
