I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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