god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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