party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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