Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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