We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
