The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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