I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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