So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize