Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
