my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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