dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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