That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
