I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
