burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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