If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
