I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Randomize
