I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
